


A Soft Touch

by thesnowyswan



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Feels, Fluff, M/M, aaron & seb: a mood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 09:39:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15579057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesnowyswan/pseuds/thesnowyswan
Summary: A short fic tracing Aaron's feelings towards Seb.





	A Soft Touch

Aaron always loved kids for a whole host of reasons. There’s the obvious, they have little to no malice in them, except Leo after he builds a Lego tower and crushes it like he’s Godzilla. They simply exist in the world hopefully ignorant of the trials and hardship that go on around them and it makes them _brilliant_. _What would you do if you suddenly became a flying ant for the day?_ Noah asked him once while they were eating cereal before Noah had to go to school. And even if they do know hardship, they rise above. Just watching Debbie’s Sarah is proof of that.

So, Aaron comes to Seb with eyes wide open. Does he entirely forget the circumstances of him the first time he holds him? No, but his wailing cries stop and he smiles with his scrunched-up baby face, and Aaron loves kids. They sit, and they cuddle, and Robert gets his work done, blonde hair a little less mad and not being pulled out between the baby changing table and printed out spreadsheets. When Seb stops and starts crying as Aaron tries to hand him back, Aaron almost loses it. This tiny mischief maker is having him on. Plain and simple. He isn’t unhappy about it, he’s genuinely amused by this small terror.  _A_ _Daddy’s boy, huh?_

When Robert asks him to have Seb, it’s great, but also terrifying. Robert drops him off with a Dad list as if Aaron has never taken care of anything smaller than a gobby fourteen-year-old girl.  And, considering it’s much harder to get a smile out of her, he thinks he’ll do alright. Like most decent babies, it’s a lot of sleeping, pooping, and the occasional feed, and that’s where Seb gets him. Gets him with that first spark of butterflies in his belly when Aaron’s got him in one arm while he half-sprawls on the settee, balancing Seb’s side on his stomach as his other hand holds the bottle. Seb makes grabby hands for it as he sucks and his bright blue eyes looking over at Aaron like he has a concept of him other than _warm_ and _food_. He stops sucking for a second and Aaron tips the bottle away, watching Seb smack his lips and watch him right back. Aaron feels himself smiling because Seb is just another little kid. Destined to be brilliant.

And later on, after being burped and back rubbed, Seb accidentally grabs onto Aaron’s chest when waving his arms and he pinches Aaron pretty close to the nipple. Aaron bites his tongue with a laugh and just shifts Seb to sit on his hip as they stand and sway. Seb’s eyes lull and Aaron gets him off to sleep without a crossed cry. Peering over the pram when Robert comes to pick him up, Aaron realises the way he feels is no longer tight and closed, his feelings are like ribbon strands blowing in a breeze. Not all of them are free, but when he looks at Seb, he isn’t sad. When he looks at Robert, he isn’t cut open.

It’s that realisation that fosters Aaron’s love. Worse than tied up ribbons, Aaron had shoved Robert in a locked box inside his heart to never be opened again, but spending time with them, it rattles inside his chest. It bursts open when he thinks Robert might meet someone else. Selfishly, he wonders how Robert can meet someone else when Aaron loves him so ardently. He knows he doesn’t make sense and he’s flying out at several different angles, but he can’t. He can’t deny how he loves Robert anymore. They talk about Seb, they have to. And with his whole heart, Aaron can say he doesn’t resent Seb. He thinks back to the times they’ve spent together and he’s just another baby. Too young and too small to know any better the machinations of men. More than that, he’s Robert’s baby. Robert who his heart is crying out for and he would rather die than hurt.

 _Resenting him would hurt you and I could never_.

So, Seb becomes a part of Aaron’s life. Robert is hesitant at first, only the necessities creeping in: a travel crib, changing table, a play mat kept well out of the way when not in use. Aaron is the one who drags all these things down. Makes a mess of the living room so that when Robert comes home he can see that Seb is allowed to take up space. His love for his son is allowed to take up space. Seb gurgles loudly at his dad as Aaron holds him up, helping him to ‘stand’. They both get a kiss, and Seb folds because he can’t actually stand, but he holds tightly onto Aaron as Aaron scoops him back up into a cradle. Seb doesn’t look for Robert after that, he’s content to stare up at Aaron who waggles his fingers for him and they stay like that for a long time. Just the two of them.

*

A kitchen fire and a stranger in his home in a short space of time teaches Aaron about innate fear. The first, Seb doesn’t even blink at. Happy in Aaron’s arms, he watches everyone gather around him and Aaron doesn’t let him go until he can put him safely in Robert’s. Aaron lies in bed that night, Robert’s forearm slung over his waist as it always is, palm cupping his stomach and he uses the gap to slowly pull it off and sit up. Seb is on his back in his crib on Robert’s side, so Aaron has to lean up over Robert to touch the mesh and through to his tiny hand. He twitches in his sleep and slowly that clutch of _ohgodnopleaselethimbeokay_ finally loosens inside Aaron. The second was because of his own stupidity and he hates himself every second that Seb isn’t safe. Aaron runs through every option and has to sit on most of them because he can’t risk hurting the little boy who has no idea and needs Aaron to protect him. Seb snuffles unhappily when Aaron gets him back, pulling his jumper down to meet his giraffe trousers and Aaron feels guilt a mile wide. He tries to play games with Seb to distract them both, but his own feelings get the better of him and he puts him down for a nap. Sitting on the stairs, Aaron refuses to take another risk.

Robert brings Seb down when he wakes up, his own fear spiking and Aaron feels worse. But Robert doesn’t blame him like he blames himself. He brings Seb over to where Aaron’s stewing on the settee and he squishes Seb between the two of them and starts tickling his belly. He laughs loudly and without a care.

“Tickle his belly, Aaron,” Robert encourages. He can’t.

Robert carries on and he waits again. Aaron closes his eyes and then he tickles Seb under one armpit and he squirms happily and rolls onto Robert. Robert picks him up and blows a raspberry on the soft exposed swell of Seb’s tummy. He squeals with delight and Aaron can forgive himself an inch.

*

Slowly, things evolve around Seb. Liv will bring him down with her before school if Robert hasn’t already stayed up after feeding him, and balance him on her thigh while she eats her cereal. She sometimes gives him some dry Cheerios out of the box that he likes to gum around, never actually eating them, and then throw when he’s done. Aaron comes down not long after her and scoops him up for a nappy change, if need be, so that she can get off and Robert is hurtling around because he either thinks he’s overslept or that he’s only got one shoe.

That’s a surprise that Aaron did and didn’t expect. He loves Robert more after seeing him with Seb. How gentle he is when he cradles his son’s head for a kiss goodbye and squeezes Aaron’s arm before he goes. Aaron gets his proper share of kisses in bed, but he will drag Robert back if he feels he needs more, and he gets as much as Seb allows before he squawks, having had enough of being squished between the two of them.

“It’s as bad as that, Seb?” Aaron murmurs as he gets them both ready, him for work, Seb for Diane’s. He takes him up to get him dressed and to also pile up the clothes that Seb is slowly growing out of.

 _9-12 months_. To him, it feels like yesterday he bought Seb a soft little onesie for 3-6 months as a gesture of new beginnings. He still has a bit of room in his new clothes, but nothing is falling off or too long. It’s a hot day, so Aaron puts him in soft grey shorts and a white vest with the easy pop buttons at the top and the bottom. _Anything to make life easier, hey, mate_.

Aaron notes how he’s more fussy, trying to put his hands in his mouth and anything he can grab. When Aaron moves his teddy out of the way to get a pair of socks, he starts to wail like no one would believe.

“Whoa, whoa, _whoa_.” Aaron gets Seb up off his back and into his arms. “What is up with that, huh?”

Seb’s nose is snotty and his face is puffy, and Aaron blindly uses his pyjama top to wipe him down. He tries to chomp on Aaron’s fingers as he goes.

“Oh, are you teething? Is that it?” Aaron ignores the state his t-shirt is in and takes them both down to the fridge where they’ve been keeping Seb’s jelly rings, just in case. He gives one to him and while Seb gums at it, he tries to take a peek inside his mouth.

As he thought, Seb’s bottom gum is red and sore, one sole tooth almost peeking out.

“Mate,” Aaron says softly and cuddles Seb in closer, the cold of the ring seeping into his skin. Seb just seems to let himself go, head pillowing on Aaron’s shoulder as he sucks on his ring.

They go back upstairs, Seb happily kicking as Aaron tries to put on his socks and shoes. They get there with it all and Aaron realises that the feeling in his chest is pride. Seb is getting teeth and he’s proud of him. He takes a picture of him and sends it to Robert: **official first tooth sighting**.

Robert sends him back: **:O** and the shark emoji.

Aaron snorts because it’s a tooth, not a shark fin.

In a bit of saving grace, Diane comes to the Mill and picks Seb up because Aaron needs a shower and he refuses to put on clean clothes while being gross.

Diane takes Seb and before she gets out the door she turns, Aaron rearing back a bit because he almost closed the door on her.

“Seb, big kiss for Aaron.”

Seb doesn’t really understand kissing as a concept so Aaron puts his face close to Seb’s and he essentially gets a raspberry blown on his face. He laughs and Seb squeals.

“See ya later,” he waves and Seb kind of mimics him with an uncoordinated flail of his arm.

Aaron has his shower, gets changed and he feels good. He feels happy with his lot in life.

*

The double proposal fiasco gets bookended with Robert asking him if he’d like to adopt Seb. If the opportunity arises. At first, his brain shorts out and then it just feels like the most natural thing in the world to say yes. He’s not trying to claim fatherhood from Robert, but Seb is a part of their family. Adopting him would just make it more so.

Robert asks him again with more hesitation. Less bolstered by joy and unabashed enthusiasm, and Aaron’s answer is the same. Part of him always wondered if he could ever truly have a place in Seb’s upbringing because he wasn’t his dad, but he’s always known better that dads come in all shapes and sizes if they’re willing to be there. And more than that, what Robert and Aaron have with Seb, that’s theirs.

 _I could be Seb’s dad_ , Aaron thinks, and he’s sure of it. It’s not something he ever thought he’d want or be in the position to want, but here he is. Tidying up from his engagement party, engaged to the same man for the second time and fit to burst with love. He looks over and Robert has Seb leaning on his shoulder because he’s slowly getting tuckered out ahead of his nap and Aaron rubs his back as he passes by them with a black bin liner. Even in his tired state, Seb reaches for him. Robert shifts so that Aaron can take him, and they trade places, Aaron holding Seb under his bum while he lolls quietly on Aaron’s chest.

 _I could be your dad_ , Aaron thinks as he rubs Seb’s back again. _I want to be your dad_.

Robert cocks his head towards the stairs, “Put him down, will you?”

Aaron hums, not wanting to wake Seb back up any further and they make it to his and Robert’s room without any major disturbances. He carefully eases Seb onto the bed to take off his shoes and his trousers to leave him in his top and nappy before he transfers him over to the now stable and secure crib that Aaron and Robert bought to match their furniture.

Seb gives him a big yawn and grabs onto Aaron’s hand as he’s smoothing his top down, so he stays like that, hand on Seb’s tummy as he slowly fights his own impulse to sleep.

He’s gone and Aaron smiles, “There’s a good lad.”

Robert is bent over picking up more rubbish by the sofa and Aaron catches him around his waist as he stands back up, “Oh, he go down alright?”

“Like a light.”

“All them people, I was surprised he lasted that long,” Robert chuckles, and Aaron lets Robert turn around in his grasp until he’s holding his hips and Robert is trying to tuck his hands under Aaron’s arms against his waist.

“Let’s not wait,” Aaron tells him, reclaiming a bit of his spontaneity. “I mean, let’s not get married tomorrow, but soonish.”

“Soonish?” Robert looks sceptical, but he seems to consider the idea, “What’s brought this on?”

“Er, I want to marry ya?” Aaron makes a face and Robert manages to pull on his jumper. Aaron softens again, “I want our family to be our family.”

 _For there to be a me, a you, a Liv and a Seb_ ; a one-package deal.

“We are, and we will be,” Robert says in that tone he reserves just for Aaron. It leaves Aaron warm and tingling and he lets himself sit on the back of the settee, pulling Robert along with. “Until then, you can help me clear up.”

“Ugh,” Aaron wrinkles his nose and takes the liner, “How is this fair? We didn’t even ask for the party.”

Robert shrugs, “Karma?”

“Don’t even try it,” Aaron has had enough wedding drama to last his entire life.

“Doesn’t matter though, does it? As long as there’s me and you.”

Aaron gives up and stands up to give Robert a peck on the lips, “Yeah, but this time we should at least try and involve our families.”

Robert’s look says it all: _my family wasn’t the problem_.

“Yeah, well, Granny Faith wants to be on her best behaviour if she wants to be re-invited. They all are.” Aaron looks at his feet and he thinks something might be sticking to it.

Robert folds his arms with a smile, “You love her.”

Aaron picks up a random crisp packet that he doesn’t even know why it’s on the floor because the bin is less than two feet away, “Love? Maybe; Like? Barely.”

Robert grabs him this time and tucks himself up along Aaron’s back, “Stop playing, Aaron, we all know you’re a soft touch really. Look at how you are with Seb.”

“Shut up.”

“Mmm,” Robert taps his bum and sends him on his way.

But Aaron holds onto that, what Robert says. Aaron has always loved kids, but now, now he gets to love this one as his own. And he wants to. He wants to for himself and he wants to for Seb. It doesn’t matter how he was born, just that he’s here and that Aaron really, really cares about him.


End file.
